Camille's Site

who gets really loopy after one glass (yes one glass!!) of cosmpolitan?

me...

loseeeeer

AZ!!!!

i'm so stressed because i'm sooooo bored! with everything for the past few days!

the only highlight of my weekend was attending a cross-cultural wedding! it was a beautiful wedding...*sigh*  before and after that...sobrang wala akong gana kahit sa panonood ng tv!

nakakaranas lang ako ng happiness kung nakaipod ako at puro jason mraz and jack johnson lang pinapakinggan ko. chill beach-y songs. i want to go to the beach!!!! and chill...and not think!  

you owe me 1 gig dude!!!! you seriously owe me! hehe! carefuly nitpicking songs to delete so i can add MY songs is tedious!! i need to buy a new ipod...i need to buy a new ipod... i need to buy a new ipod...

 oh a day before the wedding I went to the salon...ohhh bliss! but after that i realized na sobrang wala na pala akong pera!!!

stress! hehe! or pms!! gaaah!

i am very scared of lull times. i had one early this afternoon. i had one last night. and another yesterday while in the car. even if these lull times are just a few minutes... i am scared of them...i fear them.  

because during these lull times, my mind gets warped into thoughts of why's again. on some, i make scenes of what i want the future to be. sometimes, i replay the past before its abrupt end. 

i am trying to live life as it comes by the minute. i do try. i try very very hard. that's why my weekends are packed doing the things i've always wanted to do. that's why hours after work i spend time doing things i don't normally do.

but lull times are unavoidable.

unavoidable...

***********

I shot quiapo again today. one of the nicest guys i know asked my help. my good ol' family friend - nikko.

thanks nicx! my pictures WILL GET PUBLISHED ha?ha?ha?

i went around quiapo which i cannot ever do on my own. i learned a lot today about history and architecture. i especially liked the history of the pagoda like property. did you guys know that originally the quiapo layout plan was the "basis" of other countries' city layout (nicx, correct me if i'm wrong. hehe!).   

it was like a walk with Carlos Celdran  (whch by the way is a really great date idea..you and your date learn about Philippine history and art together!) except Nikko didnt have all those kooky props. hehe! i had fun!

and i don't even know why. hehe!

maybe because...

• i'll be seeing my dad later after his trip to dumaguete. i miss my parents
• i have new purple sandals
• my nails are painted red

hehe!

i am happy. i've been asking myself what's making me happy today. not a second did i frown. i went through work without feeling boredom.  i'm happy. i am so in tune with my happiness. hehe!

the biggest surprise this day was a post-it on my computer monitor at the office...

i will miss these crazy girls! booooo!

i just came home from shooting fireworks

better than my shots last year

now with the barge in the frame

with the colors' reflection on the water in full view

for a moment there

i felt like i'll be able to continue and be better at photography

without remembering him

but no...

i tried to figure out where we were situated last year

i even tried looking for a chow chow

a chow chow

his name was cheetos

he was a stranger's dog

he cuddled cheetos like he would soon cuddle me

i don't like dogs

i don't like their smell

but he made me like them

their shi tzu ... her name's happy

she barked at me non-stop the first time she saw me

she made siksik at his other side while she stared at me intently

as if i was the wicked witch trying to steal him away from her

there was no chow chow

i couldn't even figure out where we sat last year

this time

in my white shorts and girly blouse

i climbed up the sea wall

behind all these rugged photographer guys

i sat and knelt comfortably

i re-aligned the tripod

i switched from landscape view to portrait as if it was my second nature

i shot non-stop

i felt glee every time i heard nigo, my camera say "shhh shk"

but

after all that

i felt sadness

i have no one to share photography with

FIREWORKS PHOTOGRAPHY

use wide angle lens

set shooting mode to Manual

set shutter speed to Bulb

set aperture to f/11 

bring sturdy tripod

i'm going back next week

it's a bitter sweet love affair with photography

sometimes i'll get good shots

oftentimes i'll have delete-able shots

but it doesn't mean i'll quit on photography

it doesn't mean i'll quit on something 

that inspires me despite my doubts 

that supports me despite my fears

that makes me see the good in myself

no i won't quit

i won't quit on anything that i claim to love

i'm not a quitter

unlike some

i've been saying yes to every invitation i receive for the past two months. hehe! so when my friend, cyn, invited me to go check out the lomography exhibit at the lomography embassy manila, i said yes right away. when we arrived (after being slaves to corporate hours), sarado na pa la! but jeanger was so gracious she still let us in.  and i saw my next toy! i've been wanting a lomo cam since last year but i was living off day-to-day allowances and date money so buying a lomo was not an option for me then! for now, no shopping first. it suuuucks how magastos my two hobbies are! hehe!

i don't plan to be a lomographer lomographer. i just want to experience the crooked side of photography. hehe! so why that Holga? because it's cute to look at. LOL! imagine being in killer corporate attire and carrying that at the same time. ang cute! sobrang may identity crisis yata ako...hehe!

by July, I'll have you Holgs..Nigo might get jealous though. But he knows he's my boyfriend. You'll be my girlfrieeeeend! Uh-huh! Girl-bonding time!

disengage

you make it easy

they make it hard

i don't know what to make of it

to disengage

i want to

i am trying

but still can't

i don't know what to make of it

they make it hard

you make it easy

CRAP! hehe!

roxanne guinoo

"makakabuti ito sa career namin"

"mamahalin ko na lang kung ano ang meron ako ngayon"

"naging mabuti siyang boyfriend. SUPER!"

"kung ano man rason niya, iintindihin ko na lang"

"pero kapag may nawawala may dumadating"

waaaaah! hahahha! apir na lang tayo diyan rox!

Josh Hartnett

Look how hot he has become in a span of 5 months! hehe! His smile melts me. i hope he has broader shoulders and longer arms though. then he'll be really really hot. hehe! but his smile meeeeeeeeelts me!!!

Ano ba why am i a sucker for smiles? They leave my heart all alone naman! Hahhaha!

Reel to REAL

S and Lonely Boy!! Kinikilig ako sobraaah!

http://postsecret.blogspot.com

i want these books. so entertaining. **hinthint** 

thanks to shiela for the link. and monchie for sharing the book (1st pic).

i saw these in there:

"if i had a million dollars i would give it all away for one more day with her like it used to be in the beginning"

"what hurts more than losing you...is knowing your'e not fighting to keep me..."

i felt sad but not too sad when i read those.... 

because today even if it's shallow. even if it's impossible.

i felt a jolt of kilig.

i am back to the CAMILLE na super mababaw ang happiness. hehe!

so yeah!

happy?

i am!

i also saw this in the book...

"i don't care about recycling. (but i pretend i do!)"

HAHAHAHAHA! ok it's a big deal if your'e an "environmentalist"

see mababaw kaligayahan ko!

marriage ha not wedding..hehe!

their marriage!

My parents just celebrated their 33rd wedding anniversary last saturday, May 17. After two years of dating they decided to get married, papa was turning 26 while mama was turning 24 that year.

They don't have a perfect relationship well nobody has. I have been a witness to pillow-in-between-them nights far too many. There was also a time my mom booked a flight coming to manila after a huge fight, my dad followed a few days later to make sundo her. hehe!

Even if my mom often says na she can just leave him anytime now lalo na that all of us their children are grownups already i know she won't do it. hehe! She just can't stand his tantrums sometimes. hehe!

They have those talks at 3am about my siblings and me. Papa was complaining na he shouldn't have bought a king sized bed kase now he doesn't get to hug mama at night na daw because of the too much space. hehe! sometimes papa would wake up stare at mama and fix her hair while their legs are entangled under the heavy comforters.

A few years back, Mama was here in Manila to visit kuya and me and her flight back home was on her birthday. Papa met her at the airport's tarmac with a huge bouquet of flowers.

Mama's own brand of sweetness is her undying pag-aalaga. She never was the affectionate type. But for us, we have nothing else to ask for in Mama.

I asked how they spent their anniversary. They heard mass early in the morning, had breakfast in a hotel and off papa went to his board meeting while mama went back to what she's best at - home-making.

...being alone by the sea

...hearing the waves

...feeling the saltwater mist on my face

...getting a beach hilot

...finishing one bottle of SanMigLight without getting any rashes...hehe!

...FULLY realizing and not just knowing that I have soooo much ahead of ME.

Words of Wisdom I learned over the past week...

• on my relationship with that one friend...

by Kahlil Gibran

"But let there be spaces in your togetherness
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart.
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each others' shadow."

• on work

by Sheila, the emoticon

[For as long as you don't stop challenging yourself no matter how boring your work becomes then you have nothing to worry. But when you come to a point where you feel that you've challenged yourself enough then it's time to move on]

• on drinking...

by Trina, the agitated NCLEX taker

Drinking is like the mefenamic acid for heartaches!!

Jake and Roxanne official na break na?!

i'll post later what she said on the Buzz! very Camille-ish kind of words as well...LOL! super duper relate na relate lang ako sa mga sinabi ni roxanne! pero surprisingly hindi ako umiyak!

my shots have become fewer these past months. i miss photography . my lunar photography project isn't done yet. i know Nigo won't let me down. i'll pick him up more and more constantly in the next few days. i promise!

he has a spanking new battery you know? i refused to buy a generic replacement. even if an original battery is *sigh* more expensive. expeeeensiiiive = shoes shoes shoes or dresses dresses and more dresses. LOL!

when i entered the store...in my skirt and pumps

me: meron po kayong nikon EN-EL3a? sira na kase...(showed them mine)

them: baka naman charger mo sira.

me: hinde..try niyo po..

them: oo nga. sa dslr ba toh?

me: opo.

them: ikaw nagshoshoot?!

me: opo. hehe!

them: hindi mukha ah...haha! ano camera mo?

me: D50..

them: ayos ah...so matagal ka na nagshoshoot?

me: mga 3 years na yata...

them: ah kaya pagod na battery mo.haha! eh di hasang hasa ka na?

me: di nga eh kase di ako consistent.

them: hobby lang or nagsisideline ka?

me: hobby lang..

them: naku mahal nun! ehtoh na lang bigyan ka namin ng discount....

Ayos!

Kung mura lang polarizers eh. perfect for more beach shots. haaaayyyyy! i need more MONEY!

there was a time a few months back that i said...

"please suggest what i should do today. i want today to be productive"

he replied "hmmmm write a poem again..or cook a new dish"

i did the latter...

i blog a lot. i say the truest words. i don't like writing figuratively. i am always direct to the fucking point.

this is a poem i did in Lit 12 class circa freshman year 2002. hehe! i wish i could write again...

step into the breeze

a soft world awaits

angry rays gone

crackling papers fall

like showers of care

wind slowly comes in

touches your hand

and carries away scorching pain

sea waves in your mouth

they've bid farewell...

Ateneo prof offers other biofuel source: Algae

http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/inquirerheadlines/nation/view_article.php?article_id=135523

Ateneo scientists working on algae as biodiesel source

http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/storypage.aspx?StoryId=117670

i just paid her a visit earlier this week and i was telling her of my "career move". she really is like a mother to me. being so optimistic of my career choices even if i deviated from what we really studied about. she previously told me that IF things doesn't work out for me with my current job, and if i still see myself working in the scientific field she'd want me to be her research assistant. whoa! and this might have been the study she was telling me about.  

all technical stuff...i once knew! hehe! sayang noh?

i have a new crush!

ok not new. i've known him since his sweet gesture to his then-gf mandy moore. after winning a match he climbed up the bleachers to hug mandy. since then i knew andy roddick would be a cool boyfriend. haha!

i was telling my sister that i need a new crush. and there i just made andy roddick my crush-again..*sigh* i love you andy!

everynight just pick out things that made you smile that day and think about them before you sleep. sure ms. lonely do pay a visit sometimes. but a lonely heart can be happy too you know? a lonely heart need not be sad. thousands are feeling what i am going through. some dwell. some mope. i do mope sometimes. i need to. but i will not let my loneliness get the best of me.

because i can be happy even when my heart doesn't have another heart to enclose it with.

playing with lilliane in starbucks powerplant while ate lils (one of kuya's best friends) and my kuya went out for a smoke...made me happy... i might just buy a polly pocket again!

watching Ironman with kuya made me happy...it's the best superhero movie ever!

texting with my dad and mom while they were dining in Giuseppe's - an Italian restaurant back home while i was eating Italian ice cream in Greenbelt made me happy..hehe!

knowing that some of my closest friends are in the same kind of HIGH i was in last year makes me happy...and us three (trina, klod, and i) texting each other on the same night giving claudine some flirting tips...haha! and knowing that long term relationships are still possible (c/o my cousin yanika) makes me happy...

the sand between my toes made me happy...

paying ateneo and my mentor a visit earlier made me happy...

there are a gazillion things in this world that can make us happy. thinking that they can never replace the void left by a lost love is bull!

you just have to tell yourself that "I am happy with myself and this positive attitude i have because i know I will be better....when i least expect it.." 

God is good. He has mastered His plans for each of us...just embrace whatever you have right now and soon that mouth will curl into a smile...

around 2 weeks ago, i chanced upon a compilation of 10 stories about heartbreaks. I bought it. my sister and my kuya's friend said i'm being a masochist for doing things, saying things, drawing into my life things that remind me of my current state of being - heartbroken.  

but the stories in the book are so funny and heartwarming. hehe! i was laughing so hard last night while reading. it's definitely a good read. i love light reads! especially stories written in a guy's perspective much like summit's vince's life. light reads are what we need to take us away from the chaos.  

today i woke up deciding that i should finally let go of my sad embrace. because things will fall into place...i don't know how but they will. 

yesterday, i was telling a friend about praying to God to just give us the blueprint of our life so we wouldn't have to guess where were going and so we would be ready of the next steps, of the next plans, of how our life will unfold. but with that blueprint in hand, we become rid of the excitement of what life brings us. He has plans for everyone - He's just teaching us to be patient and to value now while we still have a grasp of it.

there is nothing remotely funny about getting a heart broken but the circumstances and the ways we deal with it are sometimes comedic. hehe! crying then laughing. paralyzing our minds by overanalyzing. but going through one gives us the wisdom, strength and courage to face life and the uncertainties it brings.

"heartbreak" is by cozy reads publishing and holds stories from Prizewinning Filipino authors.

we don't work here. we just take a LOT of online quizes! LOL! Joke!!

What Camille Means

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

my friends are surprised at how fast i've bounced back to my cheerful self.

no longer am i the camille who bawls everytime an itsy-bitsy hurtful word is thrown her way back in high school or even in college...

i speak without any bitterness but full of understanding..

sure..i get silent sometimes..like my thoughts are being vaccumed somewhere...with my gaze drifting to a distance..making people i'm with ask "what's on your mind?"

i just say "the happy memories "

Tonight at 8pm-9pm..I will be out with friends though but I told our kasambahay na to switch the  off...

READ: http://green.yahoo.com/news/afp/20080328/wl_asia_afp/climatewarmingaustraliaearthhour.html

Bangrus

I don't know the Tagalog translation of a lot of fishes I see back home. Hehe! Kuya said Bangrus is the mother of all bangus..hehe! anyway Bangrus is a large fish and is endangered. But some fishermen give papa and my uncles slices of bangrus once in a while. I already told them that for as long as they receive and eat this endangered species, the fisherman will not stop capturing the poor bangruses. Haaay. ang hirap talaga kung napakatigas ng ulo ng mga nakakatanda sa atin noh?

you don't stop loving when you fall out of love. you start loving when you choose to keep on loving despite the odds, the doubts and the questions.

love is not a feeling. it's a decision. and i have long decided to love even before i fell out. so it continued on.

sadly, it was a different story for you.  

i know...there never was..i made sure i was a gem of a lovable person..

tomorrow i will look for ways to remind me that i am a strong woman...

for tonight..i will be my kuya's baby sister...

and soak his shirt sleeve (or barong sleeve this time) again..

just had a change of venue...kung dati promenade ngayon sa law firm ni frank chavez..oh di ba sosyal? 

his second "first day" at the firm and they'll be seeing drama na kaagad..

ano ba yan?! hehe!